How to Plant a Garden (in my family)

First, you go out to the old, weedy, grassy garden plot that came with the piece of land you just bought last year.  You take a look around and try to look like you know what you are doing. Then you admit to yourself that you know very little about preparing, planting, and tending a nice garden in a dry state, and you're not even sure you want to try this one. Then you tell yourself that if you don't start now, you'll never get what you want. And besides, it's good for the children.

 Next, you grab all the shovels, hoes, pick-axes, trowels, and garbage bags you have.  Then you find the cutest kids you know and bribe them with Popsicles and get to work.